The film of Iron Man is pretty darn good. Or so we hear from friends, as we've not actually seen it yet. In typical movie licence style, the game doesn't really have much of a plot; it's more like a peppering of cut-scenes which gives you only a dash of a clue as to what's going on.

However, plot comprehension problems are the least of this third-person shooter's worries, as it has far more serious issues. Iron Man can only be described as seriously defective: we're talking rustier than a 1974 Ford Capri.

From the very first moments, this game fails to thrill, and it fails to thrill in spectacular fashion. The graphics aren't the next-generation spangly visuals you get on the X360 or PS3. Instead, it seems like it's been ported over from the PS2, with bland textures (there are no detail sliders here) and relatively low resolutions. Quite frankly it looks more than a couple of years old, and to make matters worse it's quite glitchy as well. We had a number of nasty little visual artifacts crop up.

It doesn't end there, either. The enemies are poorly animated and simply disappear when shot. Well, obviously they're supposed to be vaporised, but the visual effects are so limp it appears as if they simply blink out of existence. Not only do the deaths lack punch, but action sequences, such as when our steely superhero batters a door down with his fists, also feel pathetically flat. Where other action games generate a rush, Iron Man manages a trickle.

The controls are sluggish and steering is tricky, particularly when the afterburners are kicked in and the point-of-view shifts slightly to annoyingly disorient the player. Iron Man doesn't dart around like a bullet, in this game he blunders about like a flying dustbin.

What else is there to complain about? How about linear levels featuring artificial walls marking out boundaries, and dull, unchallenging mission objectives. There really is nothing of worth here; even the boss battles are yawnsome. The first one we faced, a giant hover-tank thing, bumbled about seemingly randomly, only bothering to fire at us half the time.

One word can sum up the Iron Man experience: anaemic. Wait a second, we completely forgot to mention the sole positive aspect of the game; the theme tune. It's class. So consider spending your hard-earned on the movie soundtrack CD instead.

If you've got brass in your pocket, don't waste it on this metallic mess of a flaccid action gaming experience.